Haha - Good one FC!

Ripper 

 Lady- Do you drink beer?
 Man- Yes I do,
 Lady- how many per day?
 Man - 3
 Lady- how much do you pay?
 Man- $5 at the bar including tip
 Lady- how long have you been drinking?
 Man- about 20 years
 Lady- 3 beers a day is $450 a month, $5400 a year, in 20 years that's $108,000!
 Man- that sounds about right
 Lady- do you know that's enough, in savings with interest , you could have bought an airplane?
 Man- do you drink?
 Lady No.
 Man- where's your Fricken airplane?

Why did the chicken go to the seance ?

To get to the "other side"

Stello you know every thing 

I didn't know myself. I "asked" and someone told me BD..

A Queensland Police officer stopped at a farm in Maleny, and talked with an old farmer who was working on his tractor.
He told the farmer, "I have a suspicion that there is cannabis growing on your property and I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs right now."
The old timer said, "Okay officer , but please don't go in that field over there.", as he pointed out the location.
The Queensland Cop verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the State and Federal Government with me !" He instantly opened his police wallet to produce his badge and arrogantly displayed it in the farmers face.
"See this badge mate?! This badge means I am allowed by law to go wherever I wish....
On any land!
No questions asked!
Do you understand ?!!"
The farmer nodded politely, apologised, he continued working on his tractor. A short time later, the old farmer heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the cop running for his life, being chased by the farmer's big Brahman bull with the biggest horns in town...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old timer threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs..... "Your badge, show him your BADGE!!"

Why did the redneck cross the road ?

I don’t know beagle. Why DID the redneck cross the road?  

Cos his cock was stuck in the chicken.

I live in a semi rural area.

Keep em coming  Spook  !

The London branch of Bank Leumi decides to carry out an audit of passwords used by their customers. To their surprise, they find that Harry Levy, one of their elderly customers, has regularly been using a very lengthy password. The password being used was:
AdamEveNoahMosesAbrahamIsaacJacobJosephJerusalem
So the office manager phones Harry. "Mr Levy," says the manager, "we’ve just discovered that you’re using an unnecessarily long password to get into your online account with us. Why did you choose such a long password?"
"I only did what I was instructed to do by your office," replies Harry.
"So what did they tell you to do?" asks the manager.
Harry replies, "They told me that the password had to be 8 characters long and had to include at least one capital."

not hard to improve on this joke FC

A duck walks into a pub.

that joke is ducked