The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was „Timbuktu“.

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

The redneck won hands down!

Bill and Bob were out hunting one day when Bob suddenly keels over. In a panic Bill dials 911 on his cell phone and cries out that his friend just dropped dead. A helpful and calming voice on the other end of the line says, "I can help, but first you must make sure that your friend is really dead." After a brief silence the operator hears a gun shot. Bill returns to the phone and says, "Now what?"

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved, blah blah blah...

But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left. "Janie," she asked, "do you have a story to share?"

"Yes. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Syria, and her plane got hit by enemy fire and she had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down in case the bottle broke, and her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 ISIS troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last ISIS fighter with her bare hands.

''Good Heavens!" said the horrified teacher. "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?”

"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."

I think this one may be a late entrant for best sales speil.....my mate sent it to me

I think there’s something in this story for all of us. 

Does this qualify as a “dad” joke?

Ha! Yep