In a small American town, a band of squirrels had become quite a problem. The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about this squirrel infestation and after much prayer and consideration, concluded that squirrels were predestined to be there, they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist Church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the Baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a waterslide on the Baptistery let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the ride and unfortunately knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran Church decided they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures, so they trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later they were back after the Baptist took down the waterslide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique strategy by setting out bowls of whiskey around the church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage abandoned squirrels can do when drunk.

But the Catholic Church came up with a more creative strategy. They baptised all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. Haven’t had a squirrel since!