The father of a 16 year-old boy who was hospitalised after attempting suicide yesterday has described the act as 'typically incompetent' and doubts his son has the ability to 'kill ten minutes in a porn shop, let alone himself.'

Alfred Morchamp, 56, a South Melbourne-based solicitor went on to describe his son William as 'useless', and a 'major disappointment', claiming that William's botched attempt at ending his own life proved that he was 'incapable of completing simple tasks without stuffing things up.'

William was rushed to hospital after being found by a fellow student at prestigious Scotch College hanging by his belt from an overhead pipe in a school toilet block.The student resuscitated William and started his breathing after calling Emergency Services from his mobile phone.

'My understanding is that [William] hadn't even bothered to judge the distance between pipe and floor against the length of his belt properly,' Mr Morchamp told reporters. 'I'd say that gives a fairly accurate assessment of where that boy's head is at. Probably too busy dreaming up new ways to slack off from his studies to do a simple equation.'
'Now that boy who found him - there's a young lad with initiative. The sort of boy a father could be proud of.'

This was William's third attempt at suicide in the last 8 months, having unsuccessfully attempted to poison himself with car exhaust fumes in the family's Philip Island holiday house prior to discharging a shotgun before pointing it at his head, destroying part of his bedroom wall.

'He's still paying off the damage he did to that wall,' Mr Morchamp said. 'I had him cutting the back lawn with his sister's nail scissors to teach him a lesson. But he seemed more concerned with what the girl next door and her friends were doing rather than learning his lesson.'

Despite this recent setback, Morchamp still holds out hope for his only son.
'I'm giving him three weeks to turn himself around,' he said. 'But if he doesn't pull his socks up he's off to the Army. At least there he'll be taught how to handle a weapon like a man.'

I think I know who his problem is!!!

If that's true that father is an absolute asshole.

Are you serious?

Well what would you expect from a high acheiving lawyer............................ the bloody twat should stick to lwering and give fatherhood a miss.