.....how the fuck do I get up inside the guard to hold the nut to tighten the seat bracket?

I have a bike lift and I figured that if I lifted it up the swingarm would drop enough to get in there but it doesn't.

Maybe I just have fat hands

do u have kids ? if not borrow 1 from a neighber

I use a long cable tie/ziptie, just thread the nut on then poke the end up through the hole and pull it up till the nut lodges in the keyway then put thencirclip on it. Makes it easy to go from single seat to my 2up seat.

Hey Crackers, you might be right, I didnt know your year model, mine's an 07, the  "nut" on mine has a keyway matched to the whole in the guard which is held in place with a plastic circlip, the older bikes might just have a plain nut, sorry mate. Here's some photos

 

Get the circlip and your jobs is done.

Get HD Quick Release for you screw In and then you can swap whenever you like, no tools.

Mine's an '89 Sporty, Shfunky..........so I guess no new fangled gadgets for me

Any suggestions?

If I were to undo the suspension at the top?

 

Just had another look at the manual and the keyway and circlip only came with models after 1997

No worries Crackers, maybe mod the hole to suit the new type nut/circlip, they cost next to nothing.

Just to let you know, I went down to the local bike shop and found an apprentice with a long skinny arm LOL

5 minutes and i was out of there and heading towards Mt. Dandy

Hey that looks like the parts my bike used to have before the crash repair, now I have to stick my hand up under and hold the nut but it's a FXST so it's easy